Late Night Thought

What is on my heart right now?

As I begin to put things in perspective, things have changed from what they were back in the day. It is amazing how I can read articles of men having committment ceremonies and getting married. This day and age has changed from the closed minds 10 years ago. No one would have thought how same sex marriage would be accepted in todays society as many different states and areas begin to make breakthroughs.

I hope one day that I can come across my soulmate. As I listen to some music and type what is on my heart and mind, I hope my thoughts, words, emotions reach someone out there and touch them. I reviewed some of my previous blog posts and even though there are some rough things I have written and most are deep feelings, I feel that this has really helped me express myself. In addition, I feel I have very much progressed from the past pain and hurt that I have experienced.

One thing no one truly realizes is that I am truly ready for love. I never want to have to beg, plead, or cry for it but to experience it how it is suppose to be experienced. Actions speak louder than words is what I am on now and I just want accept anything or settle for something I do not feel is right for me. I have poured a lot of myself into previous situations and have began to run on empty but I know someone will fill me back up. Bring life back to my spirit in everyway without me having to say "I need", "I want", "Can you..." or anything. I will embrace this feeling with all that I have.

I will live for today and for me and not for no one else. I am starting to share more, be more open to different things, open to different people as I come into my own. I no longer will live in the fear of how people judge me or view me because of my orientation, what I like, or what/who people expect me to be. I am flawed and I am not perfect, but I know in someone's eyes I will be perfect for them. As I sit here now, filled with emotion and left with my own thoughts, I feel I am becoming the person I was made to be. I can see and feel the transformation based upon experiences and growth. Reading back from 2007, a young man that was afraid to speak his mind.... mentally abused and manipulated by family, failed relationships of physical emotional and mental abuse....but I am still here and still focused. I have a house, a career, and rebuilding a positive friend network with people that actually have an interest in my well-being. I have come a long ways and I do recognize this.

As I am slowly entering myself into the dating pool again, I hope to eventually get that spark...you know that feeling  you get when you have met your match. Your soulmate. Mostly and usually it is not something you can always explain but you feel in your heart when you encounter them. For now I will keep my eyes open as I still make my way through this journey of life. My career is on point, my finances are coming together, my friendships although small are coming together. Only thing that would be nice would be someone to share it with. Someone that will make time for me and show me that I am important or as much of a priority to them as I would value and make them to myself. Show me your genuine true self!

Goodnight!

P.S. if there are any ghost readers out there.......it is okay to respond to my posts.... =)