Moment in Time

"If I could make time stand still, then I know we'd live this moment forever"

There have been many times that I thought that I could make time stand still. There have been many moments in my life where I wish I could stay in it forever. But time goes on. Things go forward and not backwards. That is one thing that I have to realize in this thing called life. I am not going to lie cause I get frustrated at the many ways that I had been treated in the past, but who am I to blame as when it comes to it I had a part to play. I accepted things that I should not have accepted, I allowed things that I should not have allowed, and in it all I become at fault as well. I became reflective again today and felt compelled to spill out thoughts in hopes of one day being appreciated and understood. But I guess I need to ask my self do I appreciate and understand myself?

and the answer.....

Of course I do! I do love myself and even though long ago I had low self esteem because of things that my family had put in my head, I know that I am a good attractive young man. Lately, I have been opening myself up to be appreciated, complimented, and approaching life different. It has been quite a journey. However, in the journey, I have realized the key is to truly learn from your experiences and you dont have to change your ideals and what you stand for. An ex of mines had apologized to me because they knew a lot of what they had done was wrong and it really screwed with me for a while. But the thing that really sunk in was that they said that I was a very attractive guy that has a lot going for them and one day I will not have to beg to be loved, cry for love, ask if someone loves me, because someone will show me those things without having to think and in return I will be able to provide them back. No longer will I shed tears for understand, to be heard, but in loving myself and being comfortable with being with myself and being patient......someone will come. Until then I will focus on those lost friendships that have a positive effect on life. I will focus on my career and my well-being to ensure that I am going forward in my life and not in the past. It is okay sometimes to cry and shed a tear for where you've been or what you have overcome. It should motivate you to move forward and appreciate where you are and where you desire to go or are going.

I can say that after where I have been and what all I have been through with each encounter being differrent than the last....I appreciate where I am right now. Even though I don't always understand why things happen, they all happen for a reason and I am prepared for the next obstacle, encounter, or "thing". I sit here in this moment and time and thing, "damn, I have come a long ways". I will be that diamond in the rough. Someone will get it one day.

Short but Sweet

I think lately there has started to become a shift in things as they pertain to myself. I have went through the rough times and perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. It has started with my career which I have started a new role that I really love. I mean there is a lot to it but it keeps me busy at work and on my toes.

As far as circle of friends, I have been rotating them in and out so to speak. I mean some people I have cut of purposely as they were not adding value to my life and some people have been re-established as I pushed people away when I was going through my stressful times. One thing I can say is that I have strengthened some relationships based on feedback of me needing to open up more to people. Also, allowing people to know more about who "David" is even if some of it left me a little bit vulnerable.

I feel lately I have been able to try to adjust to the changes in my life and start to travel again. Along the way I have been privileged to meet many new people that are playing a role in my life as new acquaintances and potential new friends. I think as far as love interest, I still have a long time before I should even desire someone to get close to me. Not because I am not ready but because I need time to breathe. Dating is possible, but relationship at this time is not site. I will still be me and never lose my values, but I also will allow someone to show me their true self and if they are really into me then they will put in the time and effort to date and know me....Even if for 2 years j/k.

It was Valentines Day and it appears to have been a regular day, but truthful everyday should be Valentines Day not just one day to go overboard to show someone you love them. Hopefully one day I will be able to again show someone unconditional love and receive it back.

On that note I am going to bed. Good ghost readers!