Is Anyone Listening? Part1

I didn't know how to start this entry off. I had been meaning to write several in the interim period but lost the password. There is so much to share with so many characters, letters, words to express it in. So this might be a long post. I will split into two post this being the more positive spin.

This is the end of 2012 now and 2013 should bring new times, new start, and new beginnings. Let's start with the good. I have become more open and more communicative as a person. Yes indeed. The fear of accepting and being who I am is started to finally wear off as I accept and come into my own. I am a gay black male. I don't necessarily need to flaunt it or be flamboyant about it but it is who I am. At one point, I have to admit I was totally not proud of it and ashamed as to completely hide me. I still am a work in progress. I came out to one of my co workers whom I hadnt quite defined as a friend. I sat down and instead of being on the defense of hiding myself I decided to do the opposite and face it head on. I told him to ask what he been wanting to ask me........speak your mind. I felt that some co workers were causing me to be uncomfortable, you know, always trying to hook you up with a woman....checking your facebook statuses, questioning why your single. Just gets annoying after a while and feels like your hiding self, running from people, and just not really living life or enjoying life how it is meant to be enjoyed. The conversation went quite well and even though I know this individual does not quite understand the lifestyle and struggles especially as a black gay male, it allowed me to yet open up to an individual and allow them to like me for me not for a face or a persona that I was putting up. I want to be liked for me and accepted for being myself not what society or what my moms or anyone wants or expects me to be.

Another good thing that happened this year is that I finally made it into the career path that I wanted to be in for over three years. Again, I allowed people to dictate what I should do with my career at work and tell me how I should not and how I would be going backwards somewhat. I am not in project management! I was a developer for 6 years but that is not fully the type of work that was being asked of me. I did development, mentored many, and managed projects. I spoke to customers on daily and did presentations to either influence and/or persuade specific outcomes in my favor. Now I get to be in a role that allows me to do this going forward. It is part of the master plan of getting an MBA and going into management eventually as soon as I gain direct skills in this career path official. No more pseudo developer / project manager.

Before I start on the next post that will be more heartfelt and deep, I will say this has been an interesting year. From the beginning to the very end. I cannot look at this year as a loss for me because I am still here and I feel that in a sense despite all that I went through, all that I dealt with, I feel that I still have grown. I still had wins. The career, the learning about myself and becoming a stronger individual, the communication to my co workers or coming out, and moreso managing and dealing with family stress. Family is still big to me as it always will be but I have to form my own family and my own positive environment. That will be my next focus. Now I will take a deep dive into the opportunistic parts of my life in the follow up post.