Dusting Off the Blog with Another Sad Love Song

So I am writing this post as I return to the blogging world to let out my freedom of speech. Right now so many things have happened in since the last post that I am surprised that I am even still sitting here able to type.

Well, yet again since the last time when I thought I had reached a point of where things were turning around. I was let down yet again by a person that shall remain unnamed. However, it hurt me to find out the things I did. How can you claim to say you care and love someone......claim to protect and be there.....yet you are the person that does more damage than anything that could have been imagined.

Yep, yet again, love has played me for the fool that I seem to have trended to become. No, but truthfully I put myself out there for yet another to have the desire of having those feelings completely reciprocated. But I found out that the 2 years were nothing but lies and deceit. To have not only been cheating on, but cheating on from day one. Used to the degree that I was depleted emotionally, financially, and partially mentally. I never seen it coming. I was blinded by what I thought love could provide which was the nurturing comfort, the warm embrace, the honest truth of words, the realness and sincerity that I thought was there was the mask for all the lies, pain that I would see, and the hurt and tears that I would have to face. Even though that chapter has come and gone, not even a truly sincere apology or full truth for the matter has surfaced. Just another emotional scar to add to the rest in my past.

I would have to say that no one prepared me for anything like this. I was never guided to know that people could be so cruel or so mean to you. To be kindhearted in this world is like throwing a nice piece of meat to a pack of wolves. People are ready to take what they can from you not to even care about the long term damage or how something can really affect someone.

I am fine now, but so aware and conscious of my surrounding. I am so guarded by people and things. I just don't think I can deal with another sad love song.

Let Me Be My Motivation

GO GO GO GO.....


Yep, I still write when I can. Is there an app on the iPhone to do this on the go?

Anyways, all is okay. I would say "well", but I have run into some things I would like to do. One main goal is to get my "happy" back. Lately, I have been up and down due to different frustrations. One thing I am trying to do is try to find another job in my line of work, IT. I think I have gained enough knowledge in my current job to take things to the next level. I want to venture out and do something a little different.

Another thing I am entertaining is moving to a different location. I am a city boy and from up North. I seen what the South has had to offer. Even though it is not a bad place, and a nice area for family living.....I just would rather be in an established metropolitan area since I do not have a family yet.

I have also been working on wrapping up a masters degree and also trying to study for a PMP (project management professional) test to get my certification in that area.

I think maybe I have too many focuses at once and since I am trying to accomplish all....I am experiencing frustration. I really have been shooting for a new job but I haven't been provided yet with a good offer. I know my resumes are on point since I do have two as well. I don't know I am starting to think maybe I am focusing on the right thing or is this a test of patience?

Things at work have been stressful but by no means am I just sitting back letting things fall. I have been proactive in getting things to happen and making things happen. I been internally interviewing with people and making new connections in order to change my situation.

I had always been told to "either change my situation or change my situation". Makes sense when you look into what that means. So I have been on my grind, but I am trying to remain prayerful for change. It is so hard when more than enough things are happening around you that you can't quite control. I am trying to stay strong but I need some motivation.

It Has Been A While ...

Well, it has been a while since I wrote in this thing. Wow so many thoughts and things to share and to catch up with. I am not sure where to start......

So how am I feeling right now? I don't know. I feel a little bothered, a little worried, a little anxious. What does that really mean? I am a little bothered because I waited for a phone call from someone for over an hour, but did not get until late. I then bothered because I do not have any plans for 4th of July and I have time off work and switched my pager week.....but it was almost pointless. Then anxious from what I am trying to accomplish lately. I am trying to change my career, change my location, and upgrade my education. I guess all of it you can call an upgrade.

Over the past couple days.....or rather the past couple weeks.....if I can get to the point where I am a little bit more selfish and less caring towards people, I would be a little bit better off. Just a thought. I think over the next couple of days I probably will do it and let it be known the results.

As the Weather Changes

Well its the morning of a cold Saturday. I got the heat pumping......listening to Ron Isley and Lauryn Hill's rendition of "Close to You". I don't know that is just how I decided to start my morning off with. It is a nice remake of it though.

What are my plans for the day? Probably wash my car, clean my house, and chill. The weather is changing and its actually nice to look outside and see the leaves changing colors and instead of smelling heat from the melted tar on the concrete, you smell the crisp brisk cold air. Winter is near. Almost time to prepare for Holiday shopping. What are your plans for today? What are your plans for the holidays?

I might post something later but this was my subtle way of saying "Hello......good morning"!

How Does It Feel?

Well, today has been rough. I went to work today and it ended up being long of a day. I made it through.

So to follow up with my previous post, I finally met my family on my father's side. It was a great experience seeing so many people with similar features. I felt like I had found my place and belonged somewhere. Unfortunate that most of these people were older than me in my generation. It almost felt like I was an afterthought being the youngest in my generation line. However, I have made a connection with my sisters and a few cousins so that is great.

Yesterday was a bit rough for me. I had begun to put myself out there and open up, but felt a little blown back by a conversation I had with someone I had been talking to. I think I am okay now as we have talked it out, but still have thoughts. Am I doing something wrong, is this right, or should I step back.

I will just say a simple prayer about it and let it go. All in all, today was an okay day.

By the way, I am in the process of reading a bunch of books via my Nook. Any suggestions?

New Beginnings ..... Wait Again?

I have been missing yet once again. However, when I go on my hiatus....I always come back new and improved. I have experienced a lot in the time that I have been gone, but I have finally found my family after all this time right? I think I finally will see where I come from, where I fit in, and why my father hid all these people from me. The family reunion is in September so I am looking forward to that.

As far as my job and my current location.....I think it is time to move on to bigger and better things. I am always constantly trying to become better and grow. I've gained a house, a new car, and made a few new acquaintances along the way. It has definitely been an exciting year, but I am going to start putting my resume out there and see what grabs. I know that I am WAYYYYY more marketable now than I was years ago since gaining all my new found knowledge and experiences.

Well there is more that I would like to add, but for now this will suffice. Goodnight !

Reborn Again in 2010

Maybe the title should be my new slogan for 2010. I haven't wrote anything in a long ass time, but here I am. So much had happened to clear out 2009 and make way for 2010. I finally found my family on my Dad side. Two sisters and a brother I found along with a slew of new family members. I got another raise at work ! I bought a house and finally moved out of my uncomfortable "situation". I put a handle on myself being diabetic and now have more control over it after having found out in the beginning of 2009. I want to live more in 2010. I want to be better as well and just enjoy life.

I do have a lot on my mind. But I will open up this new entry on a good note.