Passion or Patience

Just real quick. Sometimes I feel so anxious. I wish someone could relate and just let me know that it is just patience that I need to keep moving! I sometimes feel alone in myself because sexually I am yearning for that passion and love making to get me through. No sex is not the main feature of a relationship but it is an aspect or component to show another individual how much you care and adore them. It is a moment to share not on your body but your soul. Emotions come out in ways that are unparalleled to other encounters outside of the bedroom. I so miss that feeling and sometimes feel empty in it, but it is patience that working on. I just feel there is so much I have to offer and just want to openly be able to share myself in that respect. Is that too much? Am I wrong for feeling that? I don't believe so. Can sex overcome love or love overcome sex or is there a balance?

How I long for the passion? The flirtatious vibe that it is about to go down. The moments unexpected to be whisked away by passion and by love in its greatest form. Hopeless romantic? Nah. What do you do when everything else is balanced and one thing is lacking? Sometimes I become so confused because to be in love and to have everything else in place is there always suppose to be that one thing left to work on? But it is patience, patience overcomes sex. Love conquers all. I know it does. It just has too.

Sometimes I watch movies, programs, sitcoms, and see public affection. How should I feel? I wish sometimes I could be that person getting the sexual attention, the flirtatious eyes, the passionate kiss, and grope to follow. Led into the bedroom with candles and soft music playing and not fucked with but made love to in all the ways that can be thought of. The ideal scenario in the most subtle way. I do not feel there is nothing wrong with hoping, wanting, and wishing. But for right now I will be patient.

Dusting Off the Blog with Another Sad Love Song

So I am writing this post as I return to the blogging world to let out my freedom of speech. Right now so many things have happened in since the last post that I am surprised that I am even still sitting here able to type.

Well, yet again since the last time when I thought I had reached a point of where things were turning around. I was let down yet again by a person that shall remain unnamed. However, it hurt me to find out the things I did. How can you claim to say you care and love someone......claim to protect and be there.....yet you are the person that does more damage than anything that could have been imagined.

Yep, yet again, love has played me for the fool that I seem to have trended to become. No, but truthfully I put myself out there for yet another to have the desire of having those feelings completely reciprocated. But I found out that the 2 years were nothing but lies and deceit. To have not only been cheating on, but cheating on from day one. Used to the degree that I was depleted emotionally, financially, and partially mentally. I never seen it coming. I was blinded by what I thought love could provide which was the nurturing comfort, the warm embrace, the honest truth of words, the realness and sincerity that I thought was there was the mask for all the lies, pain that I would see, and the hurt and tears that I would have to face. Even though that chapter has come and gone, not even a truly sincere apology or full truth for the matter has surfaced. Just another emotional scar to add to the rest in my past.

I would have to say that no one prepared me for anything like this. I was never guided to know that people could be so cruel or so mean to you. To be kindhearted in this world is like throwing a nice piece of meat to a pack of wolves. People are ready to take what they can from you not to even care about the long term damage or how something can really affect someone.

I am fine now, but so aware and conscious of my surrounding. I am so guarded by people and things. I just don't think I can deal with another sad love song.

Let Me Be My Motivation

GO GO GO GO.....


Yep, I still write when I can. Is there an app on the iPhone to do this on the go?

Anyways, all is okay. I would say "well", but I have run into some things I would like to do. One main goal is to get my "happy" back. Lately, I have been up and down due to different frustrations. One thing I am trying to do is try to find another job in my line of work, IT. I think I have gained enough knowledge in my current job to take things to the next level. I want to venture out and do something a little different.

Another thing I am entertaining is moving to a different location. I am a city boy and from up North. I seen what the South has had to offer. Even though it is not a bad place, and a nice area for family living.....I just would rather be in an established metropolitan area since I do not have a family yet.

I have also been working on wrapping up a masters degree and also trying to study for a PMP (project management professional) test to get my certification in that area.

I think maybe I have too many focuses at once and since I am trying to accomplish all....I am experiencing frustration. I really have been shooting for a new job but I haven't been provided yet with a good offer. I know my resumes are on point since I do have two as well. I don't know I am starting to think maybe I am focusing on the right thing or is this a test of patience?

Things at work have been stressful but by no means am I just sitting back letting things fall. I have been proactive in getting things to happen and making things happen. I been internally interviewing with people and making new connections in order to change my situation.

I had always been told to "either change my situation or change my situation". Makes sense when you look into what that means. So I have been on my grind, but I am trying to remain prayerful for change. It is so hard when more than enough things are happening around you that you can't quite control. I am trying to stay strong but I need some motivation.

It Has Been A While ...

Well, it has been a while since I wrote in this thing. Wow so many thoughts and things to share and to catch up with. I am not sure where to start......

So how am I feeling right now? I don't know. I feel a little bothered, a little worried, a little anxious. What does that really mean? I am a little bothered because I waited for a phone call from someone for over an hour, but did not get until late. I then bothered because I do not have any plans for 4th of July and I have time off work and switched my pager week.....but it was almost pointless. Then anxious from what I am trying to accomplish lately. I am trying to change my career, change my location, and upgrade my education. I guess all of it you can call an upgrade.

Over the past couple days.....or rather the past couple weeks.....if I can get to the point where I am a little bit more selfish and less caring towards people, I would be a little bit better off. Just a thought. I think over the next couple of days I probably will do it and let it be known the results.

As the Weather Changes

Well its the morning of a cold Saturday. I got the heat pumping......listening to Ron Isley and Lauryn Hill's rendition of "Close to You". I don't know that is just how I decided to start my morning off with. It is a nice remake of it though.

What are my plans for the day? Probably wash my car, clean my house, and chill. The weather is changing and its actually nice to look outside and see the leaves changing colors and instead of smelling heat from the melted tar on the concrete, you smell the crisp brisk cold air. Winter is near. Almost time to prepare for Holiday shopping. What are your plans for today? What are your plans for the holidays?

I might post something later but this was my subtle way of saying "Hello......good morning"!

How Does It Feel?

Well, today has been rough. I went to work today and it ended up being long of a day. I made it through.

So to follow up with my previous post, I finally met my family on my father's side. It was a great experience seeing so many people with similar features. I felt like I had found my place and belonged somewhere. Unfortunate that most of these people were older than me in my generation. It almost felt like I was an afterthought being the youngest in my generation line. However, I have made a connection with my sisters and a few cousins so that is great.

Yesterday was a bit rough for me. I had begun to put myself out there and open up, but felt a little blown back by a conversation I had with someone I had been talking to. I think I am okay now as we have talked it out, but still have thoughts. Am I doing something wrong, is this right, or should I step back.

I will just say a simple prayer about it and let it go. All in all, today was an okay day.

By the way, I am in the process of reading a bunch of books via my Nook. Any suggestions?

New Beginnings ..... Wait Again?

I have been missing yet once again. However, when I go on my hiatus....I always come back new and improved. I have experienced a lot in the time that I have been gone, but I have finally found my family after all this time right? I think I finally will see where I come from, where I fit in, and why my father hid all these people from me. The family reunion is in September so I am looking forward to that.

As far as my job and my current location.....I think it is time to move on to bigger and better things. I am always constantly trying to become better and grow. I've gained a house, a new car, and made a few new acquaintances along the way. It has definitely been an exciting year, but I am going to start putting my resume out there and see what grabs. I know that I am WAYYYYY more marketable now than I was years ago since gaining all my new found knowledge and experiences.

Well there is more that I would like to add, but for now this will suffice. Goodnight !